Sunday, December 10, 2017

Ask Axolotl | How Long Do You Live?

Dear Axolotl,

How long do Axolotls usually live? And a follow up - would you rather skip 30 years ahead in your life or start life all over again?

From, your cousin


Dear cousin,

Thank you for writing to me! I am so excited about having email. Do you have email? What does yours look like? 

Anyway, the internet tells me that axolotls are capable of living for over 20 years but more commonly about 10 years. Wait. How old am I? 

Moooooooooooooom! How old am I? What? What do you mean you don’t know. How could you not know? Wait. What? What do you mean I was adopted? Oh, you mean that day where I came to live with you? Oh yeah. I remember now. I like this house. Yes, you are a new mom and it took you a while to figure out that I do indeed need a water filter and that the basement as too cold for me (so much do that my metabolism was starting to shut down,) and I personally love light and not just the dark. But I still love you. 

You know mom, the internet isn’t always right. I know that the internet told you that I wouldn’t like light, or moving currents of water or warm waters, but I think you’ve been told before that you are too literal, right? A bit too much black and white thinking, no? I remember you telling me that black and white thinking (also known as all-or-nothing or the false paradigm) might be a side effect of depression and anxiety. 

It’s okay, mom. I still love you.

Oh, wait. I was talking to my cousin just now. So, I am not sure how old I am, so I am not sure how much longer I have to live. I guess I have something in common with all humans! We don’t know when we are going to die! Yay! I love commonalities! 

As for your second question, “would you rather skip 30 years ahead in your life or start life all over again?”, due to my life cycle, I would DEFINITELY have to chose “start over again.” But I’ve also had a good life so I don’t mind repeating it. My mom, however, definitely would skip 30 years! 

But mom! That would mean that I would be dead and gone! How can you do this to ME! What do you mean, “don’t make this about you?” 

I hate my mom. I feel like she hates me.

Poop.

Love,

Axolotl

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